"I said I loved you, 'cause that's what YOU said
I didn't love you when I got out the bed.."
- Too Short from "Short Dog's In The House"
This is a tale of the thrills of sex
Of nibbles and caresses and tickles with feathers
Of middles being blessed with skill and finesse
Of willful neglect
Of G.U.I.L.T. and R.E.G.R.E.T...
We flirted and we were chilling
We merged and we were building
Then I murdered the kitten
And wifed you up just so I wouldn't hurt your feelings
The worst reason to even get in a relationship
But hey, kid, the convo was cool and the sex was, too
So I engaged the Miss
Besides, I liked this girl
She was tight, this girl
And I'd be mad if another cat wifed this girl
It's like that old saying goes, I guess:
"Women use sex to get love
And men use love to get sex"
So this was the part where feelings were caught
And even though when I threw the love, I wore velvet gloves
It didn't matter because when you caught it, your mittens were off
My lyricals talked your little clothes off
The passion in your eyes was like flashing lights
Giving my Streetcar named Desire permission to cross
The line
Next thing we knew, I was grabbing your thighs
And jabbing my pencil into your pencil sharpener
Until my pencil was sharpened..
But the morning after brings a darker chapter
When G.U.I.L.T. and R.E.G.R.E.T. haunt horny bastards
With taunts and laughter
G.U.I.L.T. = the Grotesque Undoing of an Intensely Lustful Tryst
R.E.G.R.E.T. = Realizing Every Girl Requires Emotional Tenderness
But as I reminisce, I was just in it to hit the skins
We began as friends, but then that lust kicked in
And with a touch and a kiss
And a hug and a lick
And a thrust of the hips
Friends became "fuck-friends"
See, most of us men are bold enough to think
That we can engage in catnaps with no strings attached
And maybe there is no such string
But there IS a rope from which such a dope must hang
Because after our groping and touching
After our cold crushing
After our whole lust fling
You mentally linked our kinky handcuffs
To emotional cuff LINKS
And what you think
Is that your lying/lying with me made you my wifey
But you wear no such ring
And what you think
Is that your lying/lying with me made you my queen
But queen, I'm no such king
And now when we go to the mall, you have the nerve to sing:
"What about my ching ching ching?
What about my bling bling bling?"
So in the end
A lack of communication did
Enact the ruination of this
Relationship
My unspoken word was what you held me to
I broke it, so you said, "To hell with Drew"
And I lost a lover and a friend in one fell swoop
So the end result of this whole sad mess
Is that I no longer believe in "casual sex"
Because you know something?
I now realize there's really NO SUCH THING
© 2003, Drew Anderson, all rights reserved.