"Go Greyhound! (Unless You Can Help It..)(Part One)"

Okay, y'all know everytime I take a Greyhound trip some memorable drama happeneth, but this one kind of took the cake. I'm coming back to DC from North Carolina from Christmas break and when we first leave the driver seems sane enough. One of those jovial joke-cracking bus drivers on some: "Okay, I need everyone's attention. The bad news is we're running late. The good news is I'm your driver. No drinking, drugging, shooting or snorting. If I catch you doing any of these, either I'll escort you off the bus and you can have a nice day or I'll escort you off the bus and you can NOT have a nice day..." And so on like that. Yeah, yeah, everybody's a fricking comedian, just get my ass home.

So the bamma proceeded to do that and most of the ride was just fine. I mean, the cats in front of me were asking me to translate their illegal alien paperwork (while I was trying to sleep) and the cats behind me were having an intense debate on cultural identity (while I was trying to sleep) and the shorty next to me was trying to talk to/cuddle up with me (and did I mention I was trying to sleep?). But that's all rated-PG low-jinks for my average Greyhound trip. Until...

The last 30 miles to DC were downright scary. The frigging bus driver was FALLING ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL! I'm talking about straight up yawning, nodding off, the whole nizzle! He was weaving all over the road and braking all abruptly. I was like, "Yo, I never drove a bus before but it can't be that hard. Gas, brake, wheel. So if you need a cat to take over.." And then, the true comedy commenced when Ye Olde Bamma started singing Jeffrey Osborne songs to try to stay awake. LOUDLY.

"Can ya woooo woooo woooooo?! Can ya woooo wooo wooooo?!"

Then on top of all that, when we finally approached the bus station in DC, Bamma wan try to play it off like nothing ever happened,
cracking more jokes like, "I don't know y'all reboarding number yet, so don't ask me because I'ma look at you like you crazy. Oh, and have a safe trip the rest of the way." Have a SAFE TRIP?!? That didn't seem to be your concern when you were snoozing at the wheel! Everybody was looking at each other like we were glad to be alive. Even my would-be-snuggle-buddy next to me was like, "Were you scared? I was so scared. I thought it was just me."

So y'all go ahead and click "Sho' Nuff" if you believe all this or "Sike, Naw" if you don't, but I guarantee this crazy ish is 100%
true. Fricking Greyhound for you, boy.